What are you really worth?

Published February 17, 2012 | By lizdtfc

I can’t be alone in detesting those adverts that tell you you’re worth the pricey shampoo/hair colour/whatever – they make me want to shriek and hurl something at the screen.


It strikes me there’s a subtle message behind them that this is all we’re worth: paying a bit more for an everyday product to make ourselves feel a bit more valued – we should stop there and be content with a small return.


Don’t get me wrong: I’m as depressed by a bad hair day as the next woman but I can deal with it without paying over the odds and I know that there are many, many more important ways to evaluate my worth!


Were you brought up as I was by a mother who always put herself last? Were you indoctrinated by the situations and the people around you into believing that you are not the kind of person who takes (relatively) bold action or has the capabilities to achieve, for example, business success?


It probably wasn’t a deliberate attempt to squash you – more likely they were just unthinkingly passing on the attitudes they’d been brought up in themselves.


So what are you really worth? How do you judge it?


I have a friend who teaches an art class to a group of retirees and she’s been thinking about putting up her fee: she’s still pitching it pretty low, though, because “they’re pensioners”. Well, really, that’s their concern! It’s up to them how they spend their money and what proportion they spend on the class.


What she (and they) should really consider is what value the class is to them: there’s the sociable element, the keeping their minds active, the pleasure they get from producing their own work and the access to the wealth of talent and knowledge she brings. That’s a lot of value!


So try that point of view on yourself: what value do you bring to the people around you? In simple terms, how much would it cost them to replace you – if they could?!


And if it’s not something you can put a monetary value on, how difficult would it be for them to find the same thing elsewhere?


You can add value to somebody’s day by something as simple as smiling at them – just think how much everything else about you can contribute. That’s what you’re really worth!

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Does work have to be a dirty word?

Published February 10, 2012 | By lizdtfc

Have you booked your summer holiday by now? Perhaps you’re still at the planning stage.


Are you a 2 weeks of sun, sea and sand kind of gal or do you like to get away to city cafes and galleries and maybe do a bit of shopping? Do you prefer something adventurous – hang-gliding, rock-climbing, that kind of thing?


Whatever you choose, it’s great to be able to look forward to a complete break, an escape from the stresses and strains of your working world. You unwind and forget all about it and come back relaxed and refreshed – terrific!


How long does it take when you get back to the office or wherever before you’re back in the grind? Maybe even before you reach the office the morning commute is enough to bring it all back in all its horror.


If you’re bored, stressed, underpaid, undervalued and/or lacking a challenge, your holiday is just a brief respite from it all. You’ve planned and saved and all that money is gone: what do you have to show for it? The pressure lifted for a while, you experienced a different environment and did what you wanted, when you wanted.


And that’s all gone, too.


What if, instead of planning another shortish break from the drudgery, you did some serious thinking and planning towards making the break permanent?


What if you could find work that would be a pleasure to get back to after a holiday? What if, for 50 weeks of the year, you did something that stimulated, challenged and fulfilled you? What if it also rewarded you as you deserve?


Are you mentally inviting me to join you in the real world now? If work was that much fun, they’d call it fun, not work, wouldn’t they?


Well, who says we shouldn’t be uplifted by the way we spend the biggest part of our adult lives? Is it in someone’s interest to keep us nose to the grindstone, hamster on the wheel? I suspect it may be!


Keep people’s expectations low and you can benefit yourself maybe.


But wouldn’t it be so much better for us and the world to have as many as possible in work that makes the most of their talents and enriches their lives. Where could we all be today if everyone was working happily and productively in a job they were really good at?


Surely the economy would be fighting fit, the cost of maintaining the nation’s mental and physical health would be lower, there’d be much less aggression on the roads..... and on and on...


I’d love to see a change of attitude – I’d love to live in a world where we all expect to enjoy what we do for a living and work is not a dirty word!
 

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

When it’s not all about you….

Published February 3, 2012 | By lizdtfc

Part of the ecology of your goals is the people around you and this is something you need to think about very carefully when you’re planning.
Who are the important people in the situation and how will what you do affect them?


If you’re single and have no dependants, giving up your job to start your own business will only have consequences for you whereas, if you have a family to provide for, you’ll have to take their needs into account.


There’ll be the financial consequences to consider, of course, but will it also impact on your ability to, say, help your kids with their homework, ferry them to activities or simply spend time with them?


What about how you currently allocate your time? How will that have to change?


What support do you need to put in place to help things go as smoothly as possible?


And this is not only a practical point but a psychological one as well. If your family is used to having you fulfil certain functions in their lives, how will they react when this changes? If you were the one who cleaned up after them, how will they deal with doing it for themselves? Will you and they be able to accept lower standards - at least until they’ve mastered the skills needed? The upside of course will be their increased independence – is that something you’ll see as a positive?


Will your partner understand and support you? Will your success damage their estimation of themselves or will it increase their pride in your achievements?


Whatever reactions you get from everyone, you need to know how to deal with them and how you’ll get everyone onside.


This must be the time for getting everyone together, discussing all the pros and cons and negotiating as fair a distribution of tasks and rewards as possible. Not something you should do when you’re all tired and/or hungry!

Try to set aside a couple of hours when you can all be undisturbed and have an agenda that you can work through calmly.


Beyond the immediate family, who else will be affected by the changes you’re going to make? If you’re going to launch yourself on a new and better life, will this win the support of your friends or might they be envious of your success? And, if the worst happens, how will you deal with the loss of that friend?


It’s important to remember that the people closest to you have their own picture of who and how you are and how they relate to that. They believe, rightly or wrongly, that they know your capabilities and may have a vested interest in keeping the status quo. Keep in mind that when they seem to have reservations about your ability to do something, it’s often a reflection of their doubts about themselves and their own capabilities.


This may seem a touch pessimistic and I hope you won’t get that kind of reaction but, if it does come and you’re prepared to deal with it, it’ll lessen the pain and, if that person is important to you, you’ll be better equipped to help them come to terms with the new you.


To finish on a more positive note, seeing you take on challenges and succeed (whether it’s as you originally defined success or whether you’ve made necessary adjustments) will have a very liberating effect on those around you.


You’ll be a great role model, especially for your kids; you’ll demonstrate in the most compelling way that things can and do get better when you tackle what’s wrong in the right way.


And it’s more or less a given that when you’re happy, it rubs off onto other people. Spread a little joy and watch how everyone benefits!
 

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

How to be resource-full.

Published January 27, 2012 | By lizdtfc

Another limiting belief that may hold you back is the idea that you don’t have what you need to succeed so something you should always do as part of your planning for your goal is to review your resources.


These might be things that you have like a computer or a car; it might be books you own or tools.


Then there’s the people you know or you’ve known in the past: family, friends, colleagues – any contacts you’ve made, even a long time ago.


What about all the things you’ve learned, whether in formal education or from reading, TV, experience?


Get all of these down on paper and add to it as and when you remember others.


Another resource you need to consider is time: how much do you have to devote to your goal and, if necessary, how can you create more?


A role model can be a very valuable resource. Among the people you know are there examples of those who have already achieved the same or a similar goal? Can you use their example to help you? (It needn’t be a real person – how about a character in a film or book – how did they accomplish what you’re trying to achieve? How could that help you?)


And what about you and the qualities and abilities you have? Note them all down as well. And I mean all: can you play tennis/ the piano? They may not seem directly relevant to your current goal but think about what they say about your manual dexterity or physical agility which could be significant.

Do you have a lot of patience? Are you a quick learner? What kind of learner are you and how does that impact on your goal?


It’s good to sit down and get as much of this on paper at one time as you can but it can also help to leave the list around for a while so that you add other things as they occur to you. Stick it on the fridge, for example, and maybe other people will point out things you’ve forgotten.


The point of this is to remind yourself of the many resources you can call on; to help you remember something that might be useful further down the line and to increase your confidence in your ability to achieve your aims.


It should also help you to see the resources you need but don’t have yet and this is your next list. Think about what you need and where you can find it. Don’t forget to check back to your first list to see if there’s anybody or anything on it that can help here.
 

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

What’s stopping you?

Published January 20, 2012 | By lizdtfc

How many TV dramas have you seen where a character dismisses the idea of another marriage or relationship because of an earlier bad experience?

Of course, they have to – otherwise where’s the drama and conflict that will keep the viewers watching? But, honestly, is that a logical attitude?

If you buy a particular make of car and have a lot of problems with it, do you say “Right, that’s it. I’m never buying another car!” or do you simply choose differently next time?


Of course, we can argue about whether or not that’s an appropriate comparison but I’d like to make a different point.

We learn our beliefs from our own and others’ experiences, whether we’re conscious that we do or not, and if you watch enough of these types of situation, you might absorb that point of view. You might say to yourself “That last relationship went badly so all future ones will as well.”

You’ve formed a limiting belief that you’re incapable of having a successful relationship and you’ll act as though it were true. How you act influences how other people behave towards you so you’ve set up the situation to go horribly wrong and it does. So your belief is confirmed and off we go again.


Try to take your thinking apart a little and look at some of the beliefs you hold and where they’ve come from.


How about “No pain, no gain.”? Do you feel that’s true? How many examples can you find either way?


Did your mother make you eat your main course before you could have your pudding? Do you apply that “discipline” to other parts of your life? Is there a genuinely valuable reason why you should?


Another interesting exercise is to think about the amount of money you would ideally like to earn when all your goals are achieved. When you have a figure in mind, compare it with what the other significant people in your life earn: is it more or less? Either way, how does that make you feel? If it’s more, do you feel that threatens the other person in some way? Do you believe it will make them feel smaller? If it’s less, do you feel relieved that you won’t upset anybody?


A belief, however firmly entrenched, can change. Think back to your childhood and what you believed then. Maybe that teachers knew everything? Do you still believe that? Or that there are sinister beings under the bed? Father Christmas is real?


Try writing a current limiting belief down and then look at it: does it still seem reasonable to you to believe it? In the bright light of day, can you really justify it?


Now try acting as though a positive belief is true. Act as though you deserve to earn the amount you have in mind and keep on acting that way until it becomes a genuine belief.
 

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How to stay motivated. Part 2

Published January 13, 2012 | By lizdtfc

Last time I warned you that you might baulk at my next recommendation: I say this because I’ve noticed that quite a few of my clients have a hard time accepting the idea that there should be a reward for each and every goal that you achieve.


They say “Oh, the sense of achievement is a reward in itself” and I get the impression that they’ve been brought up to think reward means the same as indulgence. There’s that old Puritan-style teaching that hard work is enough, that somehow you’ll weaken your character if you look for a reward for your efforts.


Human motivation – pretty much all animal motivation – boils down to either moving away from pain or towards pleasure. And, while they’re equally essential, I think the second is more attractive.


Employers, for example, have to offer a financial reward for work done – it’s not acceptable to make you work to avoid a beating.


Manufacturers of beauty products use the principle to convince you that you deserve their shampoo or hair dye or face cream as a reward for being you – “You’re worth it!” (Don’t think of avoiding the pain of paying more for it!)


Will you get a better result from the carrot or the stick?


I think we’re too apt to use the stick on ourselves and we should be looking more to find the right carrots to draw us on.


So, what makes a good carrot?


You’re really the best person to answer that one since you know best what will give you pleasure.


What I will say is that at the same time you decide on your goals you should also choose a number of ways of rewarding yourself for each one that you achieve. And – this is also very important – at the time you achieve them.


If it’s a relatively minor goal, then the reward should reflect that and it should be in line with your overall aims. If your goal is to be a non-smoker, it’s hardly going to help if your reward for not smoking for a week is a cup of tea and a couple of cigarettes.


But you could put aside the money you save by not buying cigarettes and buy yourself a treat of some kind.


If that’s going to mean saving for some time, though, choose another small reward that you can give yourself at the end of that week. Don’t put it off or you’ll lose the incentive effect.


A reward doesn’t need to mean spending money: it could be half an hour with your feet up, reading your favourite book. You could make yourself a chart which lists all your goals and award yourself a star for a minor achievement, 2 for a bigger one and so on.


Remember to pick things that you will really enjoy, that fit the achievement and that can follow as hard on the heels of it as possible.


Oh and here’s another reaction I get to the idea of rewards: they say things like “Oh well, my husband usually brings me a bunch of flowers on a Friday – that can be my reward.” Er, no, sorry, it can’t.


You should be the one to reward yourself – it’s key that you recognise and appreciate what you’ve achieved yourself.
 

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How to stay motivated. Part 1

Published January 6, 2012 | By lizdtfc

Once you’ve set yourself some great goals, how do you keep yourself buzzing with the enthusiasm you need to reach them?
 

By definition a goal is going to be at least a bit beyond your current reach and here’s a major argument in favour of having interim goals. If you’re aiming for something 5 years ahead, there’ll be times when it all seems just too far away and too much effort.


When you’ve broken it down into smaller steps, you can feel that you’re making progress as you tick each one off the list and this keeps you motivated for the next step. But what if you don’t reach the point you wanted?


One thing to keep very firmly in mind is this: there’s no such thing as failure. Repeat after me: there’s no such thing as failure. And say it like you mean it! In fact, say it till you mean it!


It’s something that I find causes a fair few raised eyebrows and shocked stares. Otherwise intelligent people look at me as if I’ve lost my grip on reality. But, they say, of course there’s failure – you can’t just pretend that things don’t go wrong. Well, I’m not pretending. There’s getting a result you didn’t expect or didn’t want, maybe, but unless you stop there and don’t try again, how can you call that failure? You know more than you did before. If nothing else, you’ve learned another way not to do it and you may have discovered some other useful ideas as well.


And remember how important positive self-talk is. Don’t look at your result and tell yourself what a mess you made of it. Look at it and ask what do I know now that will help me next time? There’s a story I like of a middle manager in a big American company who made a mistake that cost the company $8 million. He went to his boss and said “I expect you’d like me to resign.” “ Resign?!” said his boss, horrified, “it’s just cost me $8 million to train you!”


So if you’re thinking of giving up because you didn’t get the result you wanted ask yourself what it’s cost you in time/money/emotion and if you really want to throw all that investment away. Make sure that you’ve wrung every last drop of learning and benefit from the experience.


As another great way of staying motivated, I’d encourage you to find someone to be your buddy. It’s a system that’s increasingly used these days to help people familiarise themselves with new, potentially daunting situations. New kids at school for example or someone starting a new job will often be given a buddy to support them.


Who do you know who can do a bit of hand-holding or a bit of cheerleading? Who can lend a sympathetic ear and maybe also give you the occasional “You can do this!” kick up the backside? Who will listen as you sketch out your ideas and give you constructive feedback?


Pick carefully. You need someone you trust of course and preferably someone not directly involved in or affected by what you’re doing. You also need someone who doesn’t cap all your revelations with stories of their own, far more traumatic experiences!


Next time, my favourite way to help yourself stay motivated – although I have to warn you, you may kick a bit when you hear what it is.
 

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Ditch the resolutions and achieve your goals!

Published December 30, 2011 | By lizdtfc

How many New Year resolutions have we all made and broken over the years? And, no matter how often we demonstrate to ourselves that they don’t work, why do we still keep on trying?


Just think about it… it’s always a downward spiral: we resolve to give something up, we don’t manage it, we feel bad about ourselves and think we must be weak or lacking in will power. Then we probably go back to our old habits for comfort and are convinced that there’s no hope of improvement.


But we keep on trying because we so badly want things to be better and they can be: with a different starting point, it can all be so much easier.


The first step is to stop making resolutions. The whole idea is off-putting and the word itself could have been designed to make you feel depressed before you even start.


“Resolution” conjures up a picture of bracing yourself, gritting your teeth and squaring up to something difficult. “Promise” is a much more positive word: it matters how you talk to yourself about these things and the word has so much more – well, promise about it, don’t you think?


Rather than making a resolution, make a promise to yourself that you’ll work towards your goal and make sure that the goal you’re working towards is an enticing one. Once you’ve chosen something that will stretch you (although not unbearably) and fixed the timescale for it, work backwards from that date and decide when you’ll achieve each interim step. Now you’ve got a plan to get you to your goal. Remember to reward yourself for each step as you achieve it.


And if “resolution” is a hard word, telling yourself that you’re “giving something up” is another quick way to shoot yourself in the foot. It sounds too much like losing something. Think of it as moving on from something, an old habit that no longer serves you or something you’ve grown out of.


So leave the resolutions behind and make yourself a promise that you’re going to move forward to your chosen goal. (Remember to write it down – somehow that makes it more of a commitment to yourself.)

Plan your interim mini-goals and timings, reward yourself as you achieve each one and, come December 2012, you could be looking back and congratulating yourself on all you’ve achieved.
 

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

How to make life bearable at work – plan your escape!

Published December 16, 2011 | By lizdtfc

Imagine you’ve been sent to prison for life: there’s no prospect of early release or time off for good behaviour.


You can sit down under it and try to make your cell a bit more homely, befriend other prisoners and maybe some guards, wait for visits from people on the outside. You can shrink your world down until what little you have fills it up.


And then, perhaps, news comes that they’ll be letting you out.

Suddenly, you have something to work towards, something to look forward to. You can review your options, make plans and visualise a better time ahead.


I expect you see where I’m going with this!

If you believe that you’re stuck in a dull, dead-end job until they pension you off (probably stingily!) or you keel over, you can try to make the situation as bearable as possible but, slowly and steadily, your world will shrink. Your confidence and self-esteem and, quite possibly, your health will suffer.


You need a vision of what’s beyond your cell walls; you need a sense of what’s possible beyond the confines of your existing world to give you a goal to work towards. Having an escape plan can be enormously motivating and the knowledge that you only have to tolerate what you don’t like for a measurable amount of time longer can make it all much more bearable.


It needs to be a good escape plan, though! You need to put a lot of thought into it and ask yourself some questions that will help you to set clear targets. Here are some to start you off:


Where do you want to be in 6 months’ time? No pussyfooting here, no setting up barriers! Imagine everything is perfect: where are you? Who (if anyone) is with you? Exactly what are you doing? How have you financed yourself?


What do you know/need to learn to get you to where you want to be?


Who do you know/need to get to know?


What have you got (in terms of finance/equipment/skills) and what do you need to acquire?


Do you need to consider doing something different as a temporary measure to fund your project?


I’d use Mind Maps to help me think all this out – maybe you have another preferred method. Whichever you choose, set aside a few hours (not necessarily all at once), let all your creativity loose and get all your ideas down on paper. Then you can pick the best and make a start!
 

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How does your job score for the 5 Cs?

Published December 9, 2011 | By lizdtfc

To get the most from your career – and, as it’s a major part of most of our lives, you really should aim to get as much as you can – there are 5 factors that you need to consider.


Contribution


Does your current job make you feel that you’re adding something to your own and others’ well-being? Do you feel that you’re adding something to the general good?


It may be fairly obvious if you’re a brain surgeon or a charity worker but don’t underestimate the value you can add with any job.
 

Take something like hairdressing, for example. Few people have as immediate and profound an effect on their client’s sense of well-being: they can send someone out to face the world feeling great or feeling terrible.


As well as knowing for yourself that you’re making a contribution, it’s essential that that contribution is acknowledged.
 

Whatever form that takes, whether it’s a financial reward or an “Employee of the Month” trophy or a sincere “Well done!” from your boss (and, really, how hard can that be?), everyone is entitled to the respect of having their contribution valued.

Conviction


This one’s about motivation: if you can’t believe in what you’re doing, how can you feel motivated to keep doing it?


If you can’t care about the product/service you’re part of providing, you’ll struggle to motivate yourself and work will simply be drudgery you have to slog through to collect the pay-cheque at the end of the month.

And it would have to be a pretty humungous one to make up for spending a large part of your life doing hard labour!


Culture


Do you sometimes (often?!) feel that you’re the only one in your group of colleagues who feels the way you do?
 

Can you align yourself with your employer’s mission and values statements – assuming they have them? And, if they do, how committed are they to abiding by them?


When you can’t feel the “fit” at work, having to compromise your own beliefs and values can take its toll on your nerves and your self-esteem.


Beware, too, of the sessions with colleagues where you gather with a cup of coffee to slate your boss/company/colleagues not actually present! It may be a short-term fix to make yourself feel a bit better but, long-term, it can seriously damage your emotional health.


Commitment


You’re giving a large chunk of your adult life to your employers. If there’s no feeling of contributing and/or no recognition for your contribution, no belief that what you’re doing is of value and no sense of “fit” with your employers and/or colleagues, how can you feel any commitment to what you do?


And without commitment, how much of a success can you make of it?


Confidence


One of the most dangerous things about being unhappy at work is how it saps your confidence, not just in your professional ability but in all areas of your life.


Our sense of ourselves, our identity is closely tied to what we do for a living and, if you feel that what you’re doing isn’t making the most of your time and talents, it can have a very negative effect on your self-esteem.


Once that starts to sink, you can so easily lose the will to find something better and the belief that you’re capable of doing so.


Before that happens, it’s time to take a good look at what you really want to do and how to achieve it. And if it’s already happened, it’s still not too late to get some help to move forward with your life – where could you be in 6 months’ time?

Posted in Latest News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments
← Older posts

Your Free Report

Sign up for your fantastic free report “Gain Confidence To Step Up Your Career” and my great free newsletter.




gain confidence

Categories

Terms & Conditions | Privacy Policy | Contact Liz

Copyright © 2011. All Rights Reserved.

Designed by t-morph limited.