How many New Year resolutions have we all made and broken over the years? And, no matter how often we demonstrate to ourselves that they don’t work, why do we still keep on trying?
Just think about it… it’s always a downward spiral: we resolve to give something up, we don’t manage it, we feel bad about ourselves and think we must be weak or lacking in will power. Then we probably go back to our old habits for comfort and are convinced that there’s no hope of improvement.
But we keep on trying because we so badly want things to be better and they can be: with a different starting point, it can all be so much easier.
The first step is to stop making resolutions. The whole idea is off-putting and the word itself could have been designed to make you feel depressed before you even start.
“Resolution” conjures up a picture of bracing yourself, gritting your teeth and squaring up to something difficult. “Promise” is a much more positive word: it matters how you talk to yourself about these things and the word has so much more – well, promise about it, don’t you think?
Rather than making a resolution, make a promise to yourself that you’ll work towards your goal and make sure that the goal you’re working towards is an enticing one. Once you’ve chosen something that will stretch you (although not unbearably) and fixed the timescale for it, work backwards from that date and decide when you’ll achieve each interim step. Now you’ve got a plan to get you to your goal. Remember to reward yourself for each step as you achieve it.
And if “resolution” is a hard word, telling yourself that you’re “giving something up” is another quick way to shoot yourself in the foot. It sounds too much like losing something. Think of it as moving on from something, an old habit that no longer serves you or something you’ve grown out of.
So leave the resolutions behind and make yourself a promise that you’re going to move forward to your chosen goal. (Remember to write it down – somehow that makes it more of a commitment to yourself.)
Plan your interim mini-goals and timings, reward yourself as you achieve each one and, come December 2012, you could be looking back and congratulating yourself on all you’ve achieved.
To get the most from your career – and, as it’s a major part of most of our lives, you really should aim to get as much as you can – there are 5 factors that you need to consider.
Contribution
Does your current job make you feel that you’re adding something to your own and others’ well-being? Do you feel that you’re adding something to the general good?
It may be fairly obvious if you’re a brain surgeon or a charity worker but don’t underestimate the value you can add with any job.
Take something like hairdressing, for example. Few people have as immediate and profound an effect on their client’s sense of well-being: they can send someone out to face the world feeling great or feeling terrible.
As well as knowing for yourself that you’re making a contribution, it’s essential that that contribution is acknowledged.
Whatever form that takes, whether it’s a financial reward or an “Employee of the Month” trophy or a sincere “Well done!” from your boss (and, really, how hard can that be?), everyone is entitled to the respect of having their contribution valued.
Conviction
This one’s about motivation: if you can’t believe in what you’re doing, how can you feel motivated to keep doing it?
If you can’t care about the product/service you’re part of providing, you’ll struggle to motivate yourself and work will simply be drudgery you have to slog through to collect the pay-cheque at the end of the month.
And it would have to be a pretty humungous one to make up for spending a large part of your life doing hard labour!
Culture
Do you sometimes (often?!) feel that you’re the only one in your group of colleagues who feels the way you do?
Can you align yourself with your employer’s mission and values statements – assuming they have them? And, if they do, how committed are they to abiding by them?
When you can’t feel the “fit” at work, having to compromise your own beliefs and values can take its toll on your nerves and your self-esteem.
Beware, too, of the sessions with colleagues where you gather with a cup of coffee to slate your boss/company/colleagues not actually present! It may be a short-term fix to make yourself feel a bit better but, long-term, it can seriously damage your emotional health.
Commitment
You’re giving a large chunk of your adult life to your employers. If there’s no feeling of contributing and/or no recognition for your contribution, no belief that what you’re doing is of value and no sense of “fit” with your employers and/or colleagues, how can you feel any commitment to what you do?
And without commitment, how much of a success can you make of it?
Confidence
One of the most dangerous things about being unhappy at work is how it saps your confidence, not just in your professional ability but in all areas of your life.
Our sense of ourselves, our identity is closely tied to what we do for a living and, if you feel that what you’re doing isn’t making the most of your time and talents, it can have a very negative effect on your self-esteem.
Once that starts to sink, you can so easily lose the will to find something better and the belief that you’re capable of doing so.
Before that happens, it’s time to take a good look at what you really want to do and how to achieve it. And if it’s already happened, it’s still not too late to get some help to move forward with your life – where could you be in 6 months’ time?
Do ignore the naysayers who’d have you believe that going for your dream job is unrealistic: they’re very keen for you to be “sensible” and “pragmatic”.
But if this is what you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life, you need to go after the biggest and the best that you can possibly get – settling for something “sensible” will leave you bored and frustrated.
Do take the time and make the effort to explore the critical factors that will help you find the work that fits you like a pair of handmade shoes.
You need to be very clear about what values are important to you, what your preferences are in terms of interests, locations, colleagues etc and what resources you have or need to acquire.
Do make the process of clarifying the critical factors as fun and creative as you can: use MindMaps with lots of colour and pictures. Create a mood board with pictures from magazines to illustrate what you’re aiming for so that you have concrete evidence of your goals to inspire you.
Do find yourself a buddy who can give you support and cheer you on: maybe someone who wants to change their life for the better, too, so you can help each other out. A word of warning, though – choose carefully! You need someone who can be objective and won’t just use the opportunity to tell you all about their experiences.
Do consider investing in professional help – then you know you’ll get the objectivity and support you need for as long as you need it.
Don’t assume that you’ve failed if you don’t get what you’re aiming for exactly as you want it or immediately. Put the idea of failure out of your mind – you’ve only “failed” if you’ve given up trying!
Don’t let other people put you off. If you’ve done your research and preparation carefully and thoroughly and you know it’s what you want, go for it.
Don’t forget the benefits of your success for other people – seeing someone else achieving their dream career is very inspiring and motivating for the people around you.
Have you been catching yourself thinking “Is this what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life? Is this really all there is?” Then join us for an evening to open up your thinking about your working life and the possibilities.
I’m delighted to say that my friend and Anglia Women’s Development Day colleague, Raisa Critchley, and I will soon be hosting another event aimed at helping women to reboot stagnating working lives.
I’ve made it my mission as a coach to help as many women as possible to discover exactly what their ideal working life is, to master the psychology and build the confidence and strategy to bring them the career of their dreams – and the income that goes with it!
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