What’s stopping you?

How many TV dramas have you seen where a character dismisses the idea of another marriage or relationship because of an earlier bad experience?

Of course, they have to – otherwise where’s the drama and conflict that will keep the viewers watching? But, honestly, is that a logical attitude?

If you buy a particular make of car and have a lot of problems with it, do you say “Right, that’s it. I’m never buying another car!” or do you simply choose differently next time?


Of course, we can argue about whether or not that’s an appropriate comparison but I’d like to make a different point.

We learn our beliefs from our own and others’ experiences, whether we’re conscious that we do or not, and if you watch enough of these types of situation, you might absorb that point of view. You might say to yourself “That last relationship went badly so all future ones will as well.”

You’ve formed a limiting belief that you’re incapable of having a successful relationship and you’ll act as though it were true. How you act influences how other people behave towards you so you’ve set up the situation to go horribly wrong and it does. So your belief is confirmed and off we go again.


Try to take your thinking apart a little and look at some of the beliefs you hold and where they’ve come from.


How about “No pain, no gain.”? Do you feel that’s true? How many examples can you find either way?


Did your mother make you eat your main course before you could have your pudding? Do you apply that “discipline” to other parts of your life? Is there a genuinely valuable reason why you should?


Another interesting exercise is to think about the amount of money you would ideally like to earn when all your goals are achieved. When you have a figure in mind, compare it with what the other significant people in your life earn: is it more or less? Either way, how does that make you feel? If it’s more, do you feel that threatens the other person in some way? Do you believe it will make them feel smaller? If it’s less, do you feel relieved that you won’t upset anybody?


A belief, however firmly entrenched, can change. Think back to your childhood and what you believed then. Maybe that teachers knew everything? Do you still believe that? Or that there are sinister beings under the bed? Father Christmas is real?


Try writing a current limiting belief down and then look at it: does it still seem reasonable to you to believe it? In the bright light of day, can you really justify it?


Now try acting as though a positive belief is true. Act as though you deserve to earn the amount you have in mind and keep on acting that way until it becomes a genuine belief.
 

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